Expectations

I thought my expectations for this move were inconsequential. I was convinced that I had no concept of what daily life would look like, and thus couldn’t intelligibly set a bar for this life to live up to.

I was wrong.

I figured this out approximately 3.5 weeks after our arrival, engulfed by unidentified tension and empty cartons of ice cream.

Unbeknownst to my conscious self, I had curated an exquisite library of expectations depicting what life abroad would / should look like, based on my experience and love for travelling abroad.

Of interest:
Backpacking abroad as a single woman ≠ Living abroad as a stay at home mom

This feels very obvious now. But in the midst of planning and packing and baby-having, I missed the incongruence.

The Discovery

We met a family that has been here for 10+ years, but have yet to venture beyond the border. On the way home I remarked what a shame it would be for them to move away, having left South America unexplored. Greg’s voice of wisdom pointed out that living in Brazil is a worthy adventure in and of itself.

Of course, yes… of course it is.

Though a quiet corner of my soul wondered... Is it? Is living in Brazil adventure enough? The absurdity of the question seemed to warrant immediate dismissal, yet it refused to be stifled.

Because here’s the honest truth: thus far, living in Brazil feels very not enough. Exceptions aside (see previous post), living here feels a lot like living in Utah. I spend most of my hours at home: playing with the kids, feeding the kids, convincing the kids to sleep.

The explorer within begged for more… begged to not be the sap that fell victim to a cruel bait and switch.

I literally estimated the number of weeks we would spend in Brazil and calculated that we had already let 2% of our time slip by. TWO PERCENT… gone. Our days were dwindling and we had not one trip even planned.

This is a ridiculous perspective, I know… now. But then? Then, it (along with a few other choice challenges) gave way to the most pitiful of parties.

I stewed there for a bit.

And Grace did too.