This year

A deep breath, a slow exhale, a lot of delight.

the framework for our new year. 

Because…

2017 kicked up a lot of dust. It made the air thick and gritty. It irritated the eyes.

It was a year tense with change, expectations, frustrations, and friction. Not all of it, mind you, but enough. more than enough.

I’ve been holding my breath. 

But it’s time for a long, slow, satisfying exhale. 

Here’s what I mean:

A. Release burdens into HIS endlessly capable hands

My shoulders are weary from carrying the weight of this past year. I had to be strong - had to hold us together - because that was my role as the mom. Did I pray about our many burdens? Of course. I heaved them up to the One capable of managing them, time and time again.

But I reserved a little heft for myself. It was a comfort early on. gave me a sense of control. like I was doing something to make things better, easier, for everyone else. I thought I was loving my family well by bearing the weight.

I wasn’t.

I’m fairly certain I actually became less loving in the process.

SO THIS YEAR, I will live with levity, casting my cares fully upon the God who asks for them, and holding fiercely only to His joy, His peace, and His power.Because my true role as Mom, is to model dependence on the One who can and will hold us together.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God
so that at the proper time He may exalt you,
casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

B. Delight in my people more than places

If you’ve been following this journey of ours at all, you know I had a lot of expectations for this South American adventure. And when those expectations failed to materialize, my sense of delight suffered.

Only in recognizing and releasing were my eyes able to appreciate, once again, my most significant adventure: she’s nearly four, he’s already one. This reality doesn’t require an impressive backdrop or a new border to inspire. It needs only my presence, my awareness. There is so much to delight in right here.

SO THIS YEAR, I will put to rest the incessant urge to explore. I will breathe deeply the childhood before me. I will savor the subjects far more than the scenery.

“We were together, I forget the rest.”
Walt Whitman

C. Pursue my Creator more than who He created me to be

“What you are supposed to do with yourself is an exciting question, curious and endlessly fascinating.”
Kelley Gray

As a SAHM, my mind often wonders at who I will be / what I will do when these early years have passed. This past year though, I felt like I needed to know because is this not the perfect time to prepare? I have zero responsibilities (outside the home) and roughly two years to set the stage SO THAT when we return, I’m ready to run.

Ok, so… I want to write! About what? For what audience? In what forum (emphasis here because NO ONE KNOWS ME)? I felt slightly anxious and very defeated… before I even woke up from the dream. Yet God’s gentle invitation was this: Focus on the material I’ve given you… this season has plenty to mine; more than enough to process and behold. Be content in this and leave your dreams to Me.

SO THIS YEAR, I will simply enjoy writing for the hobby it is. And I will pursue the One who made me creative, more than the future He might hold.

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…
Zechariah 4:10

grateful.

mangoes

BSF and my discussion group

a church home

budding friendships

personal growth (oh the personal growth…)

a husband that makes me laugh

London’s laugh - and his sweet, sweet voice too

squishy, sticky fingers that love to pull out hair

big blue eyes that smile

Dr. Cora, Super Cora, Airplane Cora…

Cora’s “feel better” hugs

“Joshua fought the battle of Jericho…”

bedtime hugs / kisses from big sister to little brother

space in my week - and reason - to write

curiosity

minimalism, essentialism…

sunshine

conversations that involve more listening and less talking (on my part)

braving new

cozying up to familiar

the baby carrier

my Portuguese teacher

days I can use our (one and only) car

shady parks

long weekends

peace that is truly beyond understanding

increasing trust

Christmas time… Jesus, music, decorations… all of it.

the DuoLingo app

Paulista Ave people watching

friendly neighbors with daughters old enough to baby-sit

constant opportunity / obligation to learn

food trucks in parking lots

command strips (thus far, the only way we’re able to decorate our concrete walls)

recipes that don’t ask for things I can’t find here

understanding the value in staying home

the power of choice

slow days at home

pancakes on Saturday morning (topped with honey because, syrup?)

Greg’s co-workers… those in KC that restock our peanut butter via business trips and those in Sao Paulo who willingly serve as our personal assistants / translators.

my God… so great, so strong, so mighty… there is NOTHING He cannot do

jeans that fit and shirts without holes (oh the joys of baby-having… and shopping in a new country)

the one night every week that I don’t have to do the dishes

the potential of new habits

homemade popcorn

panettone

a baby that ignores the Christmas tree

more time between nursing sessions

a 3 yr old imagination that turns a closet into a doctor’s office

the humbling experience of not being a native speaker

grace that triumphs over all

a sacrifice of thanksgiving

Through quiet morning minutes, I am becoming acquainted with the transforming sacrifice of thanksgiving.

I had heard the phrase, read the verses. But I had not understood, truly, the significance. the discipline required. the trust implied.

I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD.
Psalm 116:17

O LORD, in the morning You hear my voice;
in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for You and watch.
Psalm 5:3

But as for me, I will look to the LORD;
I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.
Micah 7:7

Thank you: two simple words that aren’t hard to say… until it doesn’t feel natural. until it doesn’t feel warranted. until those two little words seem to directly oppose both the situation and emotions that surround us.

Thank you, for this (insert challenge here)? No.

Yet this, this is where simple becomes sacrifice.

In my quiet morning minutes, I am learning to prepare my sacrifice. I reflect on the difficult things. I thank God for them.

Oftentimes, I ask for His help in doing so sincerely.

And then I watch. I wait for Him to work.

Because my thank you means that I trust He will.